Realizations and elephants
Last night I had this really crazy experience. I was writing in my journal and such, and just kind of pondering/praying, thinking about the Eric situation. I decided the other day that I need to tell him we can't be friends, that I need to reject him and spit him out. (I wrote a little bit about that.) But then I thought, hmm, maybe I should pray about this, it's affecting my entire life and that's lame. So as I was doing that last night, I got this impression that said specifically, "You need to forgive him for what he's done to himself." Not You need to forgive him for hurting you and not You should talk to him and be friends. Holy crap.. I realized I hate him more for that, what he's done to himself, than for what he did to me. I feel insulted that he did so many bad things while appearing to be such a good person around me, spending time with me -- "the good girl" -- and doing so much crap on the side. Like I was absolutely no good influence at all. Nothing I did made any difference in him.
But I realized that I'm insulted, but not hurt. I know deep down that it's not my problem, it was his own issues and I did the best I could to help without pushing. There really wasn't anything else I could have done. I was fine back in February before I saw him, before I found out exactly everything he was doing to himself. The second I found out was when I got mad. I've been holding on to all these terrible feelings like I was slighted, but really they've just been because I'm mad at him for doing stupid things. I'm kind of over what he did to me, because I'm a buff girl and I can tie my own shoes and everything, but it's harder for me to forgive someone else for the things they're doing to themselves than what they're doing or have done to me. I care too much. I try too hard to make the world a better place that I get so emotionally tied up in helping, and get pissed off when nothing I do can make a difference. So, there we have it.
So, I've been hearing about "The Color Code" thing for forever, and I've always wanted to look into it and see what color I'd be. There's Red, Blue, White, and Yellow. I finally found it online (thecolorcode.com, who'da thunk?) and I took the 45 questions and I came out as White.
WHITES are motivated by PEACE.
They seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. They are typically quiet by nature, process things very deeply and objectively with great clarity. Of all the colors, WHITES are the best listeners. They respect people who are direct but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle.
WHITES need their "alone time" and refuse to be controlled by others. WHITES want to do things their own way and in their own time. They ask little of others and resent others demanding much of them. WHITES are much stronger than people think, but are not often seen for their strength because they don't easily reveal their feelings. WHITES are even-tempered, diplomatic, and the voice of reason; but can also be indecisive, inexpressive, and silently stubborn. When others interact with you, as a WHITE you respond to them best if they are kind, accepting and supporting of your individuality, and if they look for non-verbal clues to understand your feelings.
Whites are independent. Unlike Reds, who want to control others, Whites seek only to avoid being controlled. They simply refuse to be under another's thumb, especially when treated without the respect they feel they deserve. Whites want to do things their way, in their own time. They do not ask much of others, and resent it when others demand things from them. They often comply with unreasonable demands - just to keep peace. They will only express their anger and frustration when they can no longer stand being bossed around. Whites do not like to be pushed, and they can be fearsome when they finally "blow up".
WHITE NEEDS:
To feel good (inside)
To be allowed their own space
Respect
Acceptance
WHITE WANTS:
To withhold insecurities
To please self/others
Independence
Contentment
My hair is getting long. That makes me happy. Being constantly but mildly sick for almost 2 weeks straight, however, does NOT make me happy. Alas. I need to get some antacid pills or maybe a bottle of sleep. Man if you could bottle sleep in hour pills.... holy crap. That person would be a billionaire in less time than it takes an elephant to fart. (Don't ask about the elephant fart thing... It's not okay!)
But I realized that I'm insulted, but not hurt. I know deep down that it's not my problem, it was his own issues and I did the best I could to help without pushing. There really wasn't anything else I could have done. I was fine back in February before I saw him, before I found out exactly everything he was doing to himself. The second I found out was when I got mad. I've been holding on to all these terrible feelings like I was slighted, but really they've just been because I'm mad at him for doing stupid things. I'm kind of over what he did to me, because I'm a buff girl and I can tie my own shoes and everything, but it's harder for me to forgive someone else for the things they're doing to themselves than what they're doing or have done to me. I care too much. I try too hard to make the world a better place that I get so emotionally tied up in helping, and get pissed off when nothing I do can make a difference. So, there we have it.
So, I've been hearing about "The Color Code" thing for forever, and I've always wanted to look into it and see what color I'd be. There's Red, Blue, White, and Yellow. I finally found it online (thecolorcode.com, who'da thunk?) and I took the 45 questions and I came out as White.
WHITES are motivated by PEACE.
They seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. They are typically quiet by nature, process things very deeply and objectively with great clarity. Of all the colors, WHITES are the best listeners. They respect people who are direct but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle.
WHITES need their "alone time" and refuse to be controlled by others. WHITES want to do things their own way and in their own time. They ask little of others and resent others demanding much of them. WHITES are much stronger than people think, but are not often seen for their strength because they don't easily reveal their feelings. WHITES are even-tempered, diplomatic, and the voice of reason; but can also be indecisive, inexpressive, and silently stubborn. When others interact with you, as a WHITE you respond to them best if they are kind, accepting and supporting of your individuality, and if they look for non-verbal clues to understand your feelings.
Whites are independent. Unlike Reds, who want to control others, Whites seek only to avoid being controlled. They simply refuse to be under another's thumb, especially when treated without the respect they feel they deserve. Whites want to do things their way, in their own time. They do not ask much of others, and resent it when others demand things from them. They often comply with unreasonable demands - just to keep peace. They will only express their anger and frustration when they can no longer stand being bossed around. Whites do not like to be pushed, and they can be fearsome when they finally "blow up".
WHITE NEEDS:
To feel good (inside)
To be allowed their own space
Respect
Acceptance
WHITE WANTS:
To withhold insecurities
To please self/others
Independence
Contentment
My hair is getting long. That makes me happy. Being constantly but mildly sick for almost 2 weeks straight, however, does NOT make me happy. Alas. I need to get some antacid pills or maybe a bottle of sleep. Man if you could bottle sleep in hour pills.... holy crap. That person would be a billionaire in less time than it takes an elephant to fart. (Don't ask about the elephant fart thing... It's not okay!)
posted by HollyAnn at 1:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home