Yesterdays all boxed up

I live in a fairy tale world, I think. Not in actuality, but inside my head. I think I've created a certain way I want my life to go, how I want to feel and be treated and what I want to do. I think this is so much the case that I'm not quite sure how to handle things in reality. That I'm not really sure if people really can be quite as happy as they seem to be, whether in movies or pictures or books or song lyrics or even someone else's real life. What exactly should I do about that? Should I find one kind of reality and just stay there, or should I keep trying until I perhaps find exactly what I'm looking for? I worry about wasting time that way, but I worry about what I might do if I don't chase after what I really want.

I've had the "I love him more than he loves me" thing, and I've also had the "he loves me more than I love him" thing. What I need is equality, meet-in-the-middle, chasing eachother running in circles kind of thing. The balance needs to come out even, I can't have it heavier on one side anymore.

Maybe I dwell in the world of stories, books, and movies because I'm too scared I'll never find what I see there.


ps, download Sheryl Crow - Always On Your Side. it's really good:

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away?
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side