Bring me down

So I've been working a lot on the things that people have brought to my attention... Working on being a real person. On talking about things, about real things that mean something to me. But I'm so scared, because I find myself really not caring about a lot of things. I'm starting to be cynical about people, which I never have been. I have to catch myself to keep from saying mean things about people, which is something I've hardly ever had a problem with. I find myself thinking I'm never going to be able to let go of the last 3 years, and move on to someone new. Most of all, I'm scared because I don't want to. I miss him so freaking much, and i hate feeling this way... I feel like in the movie Hitch, where Albert is saying how he's okay with being miserable if it means he's still connected to her. But then again, I find myself starting to want to go away, and not have any friends.

It's like, as I'm trying to break down the walls around me, the floor is falling out from under my feet. I'm trying not to fall, and I'm trying not to cling ever more tightly to those walls to keep myself up, because I know that doing that will never do any good.. But it's so hard, guys. I don't know where to go when there is nothing around me, and nothing below me. I feel kind of like Wyle E. Coyote, when he's chasing the road runner, and he goes over the cliff but hasn't yet realized that he's in mid-air, just before he falls.

What do I do?