I'm your little secret

I suppose it's been rather quiet on the LJ/Blog front of Holly's life. However, the quieter things are on the LJ/Blog front, the LESS quiet things are on the real-life front. haha

Meaning....life has been very, very full lately. Borderline crazy kind of full and busy. For the first time in the history of Holly's life.

Anyway. Life has been lots and lots of working, many hours of overtime.. lots of friend stuff, less drama between friends than normal, which is beautiful.. Lots of guy stuff, which is complicated, fun, confusing, wonderful, exhilerating, and i-want-to-rip-my-hair-out frustrating all at the same time. Overall, life has been great for the past couple months. :)

Work started out awful.. And I guess it's still technically awful. Customers can be horrendous pieces of decaying CRAP, but what can you do. haha I only make it to work every day because of my friends. Three people in particular. One is my awesome friend Dunia, who has gotten me through some tough times the past couple months. :) She's so cool. She's from Bolivia, and is slowly teaching me Spanish. haha She really is a purely sweet girl, and a great friend. The two other friends are guys, one of which I am "not dating" and the other is his friend, who is also my friend. The three of them help me get through work every day, hehe Also help me get some awesome overtime. Sweet!

I'm LOVING living in an apartment, out on my own -- my roommates are all severely awesome. Tara, I've known since I was like 7 years old. We planned living in the same apartment, this past winter. The other two roommates are Kerrie and Laura. They're both so sweet. And both very feisty! haha We all have so, so much fun together. I'm seriously SO lucky with my roommates -- I could have some horrible roomies, but I don't. We all vent our frustrations, and talk a lot, and have many late night fiestas. (See? There's that spanish coming in! haha juuust kidding.)



Okay, I have a question for all of you [3 people] who may or may not read this.. So, i'm sort of "not dating" someone (meaning, it's been established we like eachother, and we go on dates, and hang out, and cuddle sometimes, and neither of us are dating anyone else, it's just not "official") . Okay, so we're "not dating", but more "dating" than "not", and he pulls me aside at work -- it's rare I actually see him much outside of work due to conflicting schedules -- and says, very awkwardly, "I just wanted to tell you.. My sister asked me for a favor. She wants me to go on a double date with her on Saturday.." and mentions that his sister has hopes that he and her friend will end up getting together.. I said something along the lines of "Well, it's fine.. We're not like, officially together, so you really don't owe me anything." He said, "I know, I just wanted to tell you.. I know I'd feel really weird if I like, went to a movie with my buddies, and saw you and [one of his friends] there, or something.."

So, confusing and frustrating and cool at the same time. Confusing because okay, he's going on a double date with some girl I don't know, so I don't know if there's competition or not. Frustrating because if I knew where "we" stand, then I tootally wouldn't care at all about him going on a double date with his sister and some girl I don't know. And cool because he told me, which means he feels like he owes it to me to let me know, and also to let me know he'd feel awkward with me going on dates with other guys, which means it's more than just like "friends with occasional benefits", that he feels at least somewhat territorial, which means he MIGHT at some point maybe actually want to be in some sort of relationship. Confusing because I don't know if I'm reading him right at ALL, even though I'm not usually too horribly off on my readings. Frustrating because this would all be so much simpler if he'd just give up and say "Oh just be my girlfriend already" haha..

Anyway.. my question is this. His friend, who actually has become my friend too since before I knew they were actually good friends, wants to hang out. He said specifically "as friends" wanting to go see a movie or something. I really want to go see a movie on Saturday, and since the "not dating" guy is busy already, would it be really terrible for me to go see a movie with his friend? Strictly as friends, even, and maybe even bring along one of my roommates. Arg! Frustrating! I don't want to mess this whole thing up with the "not dating" guy before there's even something (which is ridiculous, cuz it's been 2months since we established we like eachother, and he kissed me, and we're still "not dating") but I want to hang out with the friend, cuz he's a really awesome guy and I'd really like to get to know him better and have him as a friend. I mean, seriously. I can see how it could be looked at as very petty, IF i treated it like "okay so you're going on a date, i'm gonna go on a date too! with your friend, that you specifically mentioned! HA!" Except it totally wouldn't be like that.

Gaahhh. I would tend to say, "Man, I'm gonna be friends with who I'm gonna be friends with." But I don't want to hurt him. Gah. What to do?

Anyway. Alas, I really need to get to bed. It's almost midnight, and I have work tomorrow. Hopefully I'll actually wake up to go in to work. lol


I'm tired of being your little secret.



The sky glows
I see it shining with my eyes closed
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again

Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
-Dashboard