L'amour...c'est pour les foux.

It's raining right now. You know, one of those summer storms where the clouds glum around all day, and then suddenly release all they've been holding back in the form of big, soft raindrops that soak you through in seconds. Life is like that, kinda.

Last night I found out why exactly things have felt wrong, like there was some piece of the puzzle that was hidden on the floor. And I found what was on that puzzle piece, too. I feel like such a fool.
when the truth came out, were you the last to know?

"Creativity is letting yourself make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." -Samuel Adams

What color is your box?

Bring me down

So I've been working a lot on the things that people have brought to my attention... Working on being a real person. On talking about things, about real things that mean something to me. But I'm so scared, because I find myself really not caring about a lot of things. I'm starting to be cynical about people, which I never have been. I have to catch myself to keep from saying mean things about people, which is something I've hardly ever had a problem with. I find myself thinking I'm never going to be able to let go of the last 3 years, and move on to someone new. Most of all, I'm scared because I don't want to. I miss him so freaking much, and i hate feeling this way... I feel like in the movie Hitch, where Albert is saying how he's okay with being miserable if it means he's still connected to her. But then again, I find myself starting to want to go away, and not have any friends.

It's like, as I'm trying to break down the walls around me, the floor is falling out from under my feet. I'm trying not to fall, and I'm trying not to cling ever more tightly to those walls to keep myself up, because I know that doing that will never do any good.. But it's so hard, guys. I don't know where to go when there is nothing around me, and nothing below me. I feel kind of like Wyle E. Coyote, when he's chasing the road runner, and he goes over the cliff but hasn't yet realized that he's in mid-air, just before he falls.

What do I do?

Toy soldier

Vacations are so cool. At least this one has been very, very cool.

alright alright alright, let me recap a little. I don't know if I've updated since I saw Batman Begins, buuut.. holy CRAP it's awesome!! whoo, it's so cool. Christian Bale is freakin awesome. I used to have the biggest crush on him, back in the days of Newsies and Little Women, and now he's a human super hero. :) I still need to go see it again. I was supposed to go see it again with someone on Friday, but, well that didn't work out. Anyway. Saturday was pretty cool, I went to two friends' graduation parties. I can't believe time is going by so fast. Actually, no, I can. And that fact makes me very happy. Cuz the faster time goes, the faster tomorrow is today.

And that brings me to Sunday, which is when my mom and I came up here to New Jersey. Thus, here I am, sitting at a super swank hotel called The Westin, sleeping on heavenly beds and going to NEW YORK tomorrow. :) Cross your fingers for me, hope that we can get tickets to see WICKED!

Woot.

There, happy Bee? hehe :)

I have a friend, his name is lonely

Absense makes the heart grow stronger. :)

"Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to happen."

Interesting quote from "Hitch" that stuck out to me. Spoken by the anti-guy truly cynical character, who nonetheless attracts a very good, very handsome, very sweet and thoughtful guy. Ironic? I believe so.

you've outgrown me now, i suppose.. i loved you before you were superman. then, you were only beginning to spread your wings. but, alas, "a bird may love a fish, signore, but where would they live?" you're too good for me now. you deserve better than all i have to give.

In other news, it's hot. The end.

Today I threw your memory away

People don't have any faith anymore. We don't have faith in other people. When something gets messed up, or when people get in our way, we automatically assume it's because they're stupid, or they're somehow out to ruin our plans (or even our lives). Why is it that when someone pulls into a lane right in front of you, cutting you off, that ti's just automatically assumed that person is crazy or retarded? Why, if someone messed up on a task they're given, are they put down on the "bad" list? Can't it be that the "crazy" driver is having a bad day, and has just gotten some bad news, or maybe just didn't see you? Or, when the person who is serving your food forgets to bring something to your table, why do people get so mad? Why can't we remember patience? Why don't we decide to assume the best about people rather than the worst? You never know what's going to happen to you, or who you're accidentally going to cut off on the highway, or which one of those "idiots" you're going to meet one day. It only brings us down to think that people are inherently bad. To put down someone we've never even met. Why in the world do we do that, anyway? Where did we learn it? Yeah, one person may actually be a stupid or crazy driver. Yeah, one person might actually be acting dangerously. But that's no excuse to dig ourselves into a big deep fatal pit of cynicism. There's someone out there who's suffering because of all the hate in the air. There's someone trying to stay happy, trying to keep smiling at that sad looking stranger, who's being brought down by your ignorant disapproval of that same sad stranger.

What about friendship, yeah what about friends?
You said the whole world was against you
And it all had to end
What about love? What about family?
What about all that you had to live for?
What if the world were a little more perfect?
Would you stop crying, would you take the leap?
Now what if the world were a little more perfect,
Would you open your eyes
And blink again for me?

It's not really that hard to be happy.

Pppttthhhbbbb

Yesterday your fingers held mine
Yesterday I’d laugh every time
you’d speak
But today all I want is sleep
Cause, you see,
There’s a picture on my desk
Of the way things used to be
And there’s a letter in the drawer
Saying you’d stay here forever
That we’d last till tomorrow
But that was all yesterday
And yesterday has slipped out the back door
Now what today is for
Is waiting till I don’t love you anymore.

I'm sick of this... I'm ready for it to be over. This whole "slow motion devastation" thing is starting to get under my skin. I'm going to do something about it. Tomorrow. My blankets will be a little more lonely, my face not so shaded, and my bottom drawer a little less full, cuz that's how it's going to have to be. I don't know what's happened, or why, but it seems that yesterday has slipped out the back door. You do whatever you want to. Next week, I'm not gonna cry.

When the world sucks, that's when you stomp your feet and scream, "Go away, sucky world!" like a 3-year-old having a tantrum. Beautiful.



Whew, now that that's out of my system.......wait, I really don't have anything else to write about. lol YAY for having no life! :) I ran for 45 minutes straight today, that's exciting.. Well, it was just jogging, really, but so what? It rocks. I got 10 hours of overtime for last week. And, ladies and gents, (or, perhaps just one lady and one gent), The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is not only a great book, but it has been turned into a great movie with a great soundtrack. I'm going to go fall asleep to said soundtrack, and not Dishwalla. Dishwalla shall be done with until further notice......."until I wake up." Yes, until I wake up.

Adieu.